SINGAPOREAN HUMORS

 good jokes . . .


Kok Beng the Crazy Singaporean
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Why did Kok Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed !

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Kok Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Kok Beng: "Do you have color TV ?"

Sales girl: "Yes !"
Kok Beng: "Give me a green one, please "

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Kok Beng is filling up an application form for a job. He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc. Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes " Yes"

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Kok Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Kok Beng: "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl: "That is a thermos flask."

Kok Beng: "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl: "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Kok Beng: "I'll buy it"

The next day, Kok Beng goes to work with his thermo flat
Boss: "What is that shiny object ?"
Kok Beng: "It's a thermos flask."

Boss: "What does it do ?"
Kok Beng: "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Boss: "What do you have in it !?"
Kok Beng: "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"

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After taking photocopies of documents, Kok Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

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Kok Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.

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Why can't Kok Beng dial 911?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

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Kok Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the
computer retailer for support.

Kok Beng: "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me ?!"

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Kok Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear"

"Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .... what happened to the other ear ?"
Kok Beng answered: "That stupid dumbo called back!!!!"

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Kok Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Kok Beng: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TAIPEI AND LAS VEGAS?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
Kok Beng : "THANK YOU " and he puts down the phone.

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After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time , Kok Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Kok Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Kok Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS".

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At a bar in New York, the man to Kok Beng's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE" and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Kok Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Kok Beng replies : "Tan Kok Beng, MARRIED"

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Another Ah Beng joke by Malaysians/Singaporeans.


Subject: QUOTATIONS FROM AH BENG


Wife is like a TV. Girlfriend is like handphone.
At home watch TV. Go out bring h/p.
No money sell TV. Got money change h/p.
Sometimes enjoy TV but most of the time play with h/p.
TV free for life but....
h/p, if you don't pay, services will be terminated....!

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Another Ah Beng's story in School


One day in a language school in Australia.

Teacher : "All right, now I'd like you to make a sentence using the words GREEN, PINK and YELLOW. Who'd like to try?"

A student raised his hand. It was Kukoya from Japan. 

Kukoya : "Early this morning, I looked out the window, I saw the GREEN grass and PINK roses in the garden. I went outside and I feel the warm YELLOW sunlight around me"

Teacher : "Not bad. Okay, who's next?"

Another student raised his hand. It was Ah Beng from Singapore.

Ah Beng : "I try! I try. Can aaah?"

Teacher : "No, no, not you"

Ah Beng : "Aaaiiyaaa... let me try lah... I can do lah... you think I'm stupid meeh..?"

Teacher : "Okay.. go ahead"

Ah Beng : "This morning I heard the phone GREEEEEN... GREEEEEN... I PINK up and I said YELOOOOW?"

Teacher : ??

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Subject: try to work it out guys! singapore's singlish! : true story: letter from ahbeng...

This is so funny, so terrible English!!!

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find. You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.
Next week, my father mother going to seller bread 20 years annie wearsari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family. I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and tome. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me.

Goo bye..... Worm regard, Ah Beng

-o0o-


Ah Beng Looking For Wife

This is a story about Ahbeng in search of a wife with the help of his mother, Ahkew. One day Ahbeng 's mother bring home 3 pretty girls and introduce to Ahbeng.   The 3 pretty girls name and occupation : 1.) Ahuey - Telephonist 2.) Ahmoi - Primary Skool Teacher 3.) Ahlian - Bus Conductor Ahbeng very sexcited lar of course then after a while of chatting with the girls his mother asked him. Ahkew : Ahbeng , how ? Which one you like the most ? Ahbeng : I like Ahlian the most   Ahkew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! where got future wan? Ahmoi not bad leh! gomen work you know? good benefit, next time your children wanna goto skool also easy Ahbeng : Ahmah dunwan laaa!!   Ahkew : Why dunwan? Ahbeng : bcoz skool teacher they love to say " PLEASE REPEAT!! DO AGAIN!!! I Want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE! " Like this very tiring everynite I can die one ahmah!   Ahkew : aiyoo!!! then Ahuey lar! at least she is better than Ahlian Ahbeng : Dunwan also! ahmah, she is telephonist la! they love to say " WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON! " dem potong stim lidat ahmah where got mood to make baby la?   Ahkew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ahlian so much? bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ? Ahbeng : Ahmah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL, those women bus conductor always say " BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!! " (in yingrish it means "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) everytime they say lidat i also very sexcited one !!!! WUAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!  -o0o- Singlish Math :-)  Something to laugh with that's happening in our real world.  ;-) Even an Englishman could not concoct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Singaporeans. Lim Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 0. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with ...... 1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushes out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I fall 6 and throw out. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he runs away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.